Ep. 03: Why Its Hard for Many Women to be Feminine

Episode Three: Why It is Hard for Modern Women to be Feminine 

In today’s podcast, we are going to talk about why it’s hard for us modern women to be feminine. And if you’re new here, my name is Daisy; I am the founder of the Elegance Collective. I’m very happy to have you here. 

I started the Elegance Collective in 2020. And basically what I do there is that I share tidbits on femininity and elegance and what it takes to be someone who is classy. And the reason that I share them in small bits is because being elegant and being feminine is a lifestyle. It is something that you have to renew every day. It’s not that you become elegant once and then you’re set for the rest of your life. And it’s not that you become feminine or you discover things about femininity and you’re set for the rest of your life. It’s something that you have to constantly renew, it is something that you have to live out in your life for it to become more and more embodied and for each to become more and more part of your life. 

— [Focus of Today’s Podcast]

And today, I specifically want to talk about why it’s hard for us women (and I don’t think this is just a problem for the modern woman, but since we’re living here now in this particular time, so I’m going to discuss about us and the unique circumstances that we find ourselves in, and how that pertains to us) connecting to our feminine essence and for us being women who are connected to their femininity. 

I have broken this down into three main reasons why I think it’s hard for us to be in our feminine and I’m going to delve into each of this so that we can sort of see where we are now and what are the steps that we are going to take to move forward or to become more feminine. 

— [First Point]

And the very first one is plain and simple is that we live in a fallen world. Right? To be human means that we are not perfect. To be human means that we are on the side where we make mistakes where we are. When it comes to femininity, when it comes to feminine energy and masculine energy, there will never be a perfect balance there will never be a perfect harmony between these two energies within ourselves because as human beings, we are not perfect beings. Within ourselves there is this room for digression, there is room for regression, there is room for mistakes to be made. There is room for dynamics to happen. 

And I feel like this is a very important point to actually start with because there are people who when they are reconnecting with their femininity or reconnecting with their feminine essence, they feel like they will never meet the mark of what it means to be feminine, but this is such a hard measure to give yourself; perfection is such a hard measure to give yourself because no one is 100% Perfect. 

No woman is 100% feminine, in the ideal way that you probably have in your mind. And this is very, very important to keep in mind. Especially when you are looking at other women and you’re thinking “oh they seem to have it all figured out”. No one has it all figured out and no one achieves like perfect femininity because we humans, simply for the reason that we are human. 

This is also important to realise because then that means that even when you are in a relationship, when you feel like you have not been as feminine as you would have wanted to be, it isimportant to not hold this against yourself. It is important not to say “Oh, this relationship didn’t work out because of myself and then therefore I am a bad person”. You’re not a bad person. 

You are someone who is learning about herself as life goes on. And you are someone who is striving to become a better human being as life goes on. So it’s important first first first to realise that it is difficult for us because we are human and because we have all these unique sets of circumstances that I’m going to talk about next, that do not allow us to be in the feminine state and I think it will be boring if you’re perfectly feminine all your life. It will be boring to be in a state of perfect bliss because that’s not what it means to be human.

— [Second Point]

The second reason why I feel like it’s hard for us to be feminine, especially as modern women is, by and large, the idea of feminism that we were conditioned with as young women and this is not to say that everything about feminism is bad. 

Not at all. 

But I feel like the challenge with feminism has been that it was touted towards or it was sort of fed to us as the answer to every single problem that every woman has. And for all the benefits that it has brought women, it is important to recognize and to say that it does not solve all the problems that women face. 

Right? It’s part of the answer, but it’s not the whole answer. It’s part of the answer when it comes to things like suffrage, when it comes to things like women’s rights, when it comes to things like getting equal pay and equal compensation for the work that you do. But it’s not the answer when it specifically comes to the one-to-one dynamics that you probably have with your boyfriend or with your fiancee or with your husband, or that you have with the men in your life or the women in your life or even with yourself because not every part of being a woman can be debated out. Part of life needs to be lived out. 

There is also the recent form of feminism which has taken the shape of hatred towards men. And what this has done is that it has made women very defensive when it comes to men as well. 

Specifically, when we’re speaking about heterosexual relationships, what then tends to happen is that if you’re a woman who has listened to all this rhetoric about how men are bad or about how men are more privileged than women, and you’ve sort of swallowed it line, hook and sinker; you tend to have this resentment and this hatred towards men that makes it hard for you to want to even connect with them. 

And this is important for you to recognize and realize that these things cannot be the horizon for your life. These things can not be the horizon for how all men are, and that is not to say that the things that feminism has against men are not true. It is to say that you have to use discernment and judgment in deciding how far you want to take this thing in your life or this narrative in your life. And forgive me if I sound like I don’t understand the gravity of the situation. I do understand the gravity of the situation. 

What I’m basically saying here is do not let an ideal or an ideology blind you to what other good is there in the world. And what I mean by this is, I think it would be… So, instead of even delving deeper into giving an outside example, let me give an example of my own life, with my own experience. In my early 20s I was listening a lot to feminists and the message I received was was you have to put up walls around yourself; in order to be safe, you have to be very strict. You have to be very legal. You have to be very much on alert most of the time. What ended up happening is it was hard for me to trust and hard for me to connect with the men who were trying to come into my life. And it’s very subtle. It’s something that you don’t realize but the more that you go on, the more you realize that you have this sort of prejudice and almost a bit of pride. So pride and prejudice against the men in your life; even men that you barely know, even men that you barely have spoken to, men who are probably good, men who are probably open to getting to know you. And with this world view, it is very hard for you to drop into the energy that allows you to be spontaneous that allows you to be a joy to be around that allows you to be light and you know, like just feminine and easy to be around. 

And what I found is, in my own experience, I was becoming one more combative. 

Maybe for you, that’s not the case. Maybe for you, that’s not the experience that you’ve had. But for me, I found that I was always eager and always ready to want to debate with men about the rights of women or to prove that I could take care of myself or to prove that I was independent and like all these things. 

When I began to decouple what feminism was for me versus who I was as a woman;  Decouple, not to say that out I sort of disregarded all the gains that I’ve gotten because of the hard work of the feminists who came before me, but to decouple in the sense that I said, “Okay, I will read this but I will not take it as the gospel of my life. I will not take it as the be-all and end-all of my life” It became easier for me to be [in my] feminine. It became easier for me to want to reconnect with the sense of my feminine essence. 

When I made the switch then things for me really started becoming better in terms of relationships and also in terms of my walls coming down because I had all these walls, all the way up because I was always reading about the injustices that women face and therefore this was the lens with which I was looking at the world versus thinking okay, these things happened to a lot of women and to some degree to myself as well, but what else is there in the world that is good for women as they are in the natural state?

— [Third Point]

And then the other reason why I think the third reason I think it’s very hard for women to be in their feminine is basically the society that we grew up in is not conducive to you being in your feminine all the time. 

And this can be due to family dynamics. 

Maybe you’re a parentified daughter on whom a lot of responsibilities were laid upon. So you are the child taking care of the other children in your home. So you’re mostly in your masculine energy. Or it could be that you grew up in a home where you were only seen and recognized for your achievements. And so you strive a lot towards perfection. To go back to the earlier point; you strive a lot towards being the perfect daughter, you strive a lot towards being the leader who achieves a lot of things in order to be seen. 

And it could also be that you grew up in a very stressful home or a stressful environment. 

And you had to put up these walls to fend for yourself and so you’re mostly in your masculine energy. And this is something that I talked about in-depth in one of the articles that is on my blog. I also delved deeper into how I sort of harnessed feminine energy or how I sort of found ways to become more feminine in my free masterclass “How to harness feminine energy relationships. If you haven’t already watched this masterclass, please do. Sign up with the link that I will share down below. 

And just understand that no matter the context that you’re in, so we live in a fallen world. Yes, there are all these negative messages that we receive about what it means to be a woman from other women as well. And there’s also the social context with which you may have been born. 

So the family dynamics being parentified, living in a stressful home where you probably saw your mother being disrespected, or the sort of women in your family being disrespected, or just living in a home where you were brought up where you are only recognized for the things that you did not who you are; these things make it very hard for you to be in your feminine and because they make it hard for you to be in your feminine you have to find a way to reconnect with the essence that is very much at the core of who you are as a woman. Some of the steps that you can do to come back to yourself to come back into who you are, are listed in this article that I’m talking about.

— [Summary, Next Steps and Resources]

And I’m just going to summarise them very quickly for you because today I just wanted to delve deeper into why it is hard for women to sort of be in the feminine. I’m going to talk about more on how to become feminine in subsequent episodes.

But the key steps that you have to do is to 

[1] acknowledge where you are right now and acknowledge that you’re finding it hard to reconnect with your femininity. Acknowledge that you’re finding it hard to feel free and to discover other aspects of yourself which are not so guarded, which are not so walled up. 

Once you make this acknowledgement then it becomes easier for you to look at the misconceptions that you have towards femininity. Maybe you think being feminine is weak, and probably being like a man is what will make you feel respected. These misconceptions are subtle, but if you work through them with time, it becomes easier for you to break away from the roles that you’ve sort of taken or from the posture that you’ve sort of taken in order to protect yourself. 

[2] The other thing will be to break away from relationships that put you in a posture where you have to be in your masculine more than your feminine when it’s not called for when you’re at work. For example, it is better for you to be in your masculine because you need to work on the projects that you have and you need to get through the workday. But when you’re in a relationship where you feel like you always have to be the one to carry the weight, it will be good for you to find a way to break away from that dynamic. Either to change the dynamic within the relationship or to actually break away from that relationship in order for you to have room to breathe in room to reconnect with your femininity and room to not always be new masculine. 

[3] And then the other thing that you can do and which I highly recommend is to actually study femininity, understand what it is; rediscover it, activate it within yourself, and find ways to embody it within your life. Besides the free masterclass that I’ve spoken about, we also do have a course that I created on how to Activate Your Feminine Energy to Save Your Relationships. 

In this particular course, I will take you through all the steps that you need to go through in order to rediscover, activate, and embody your feminine energy. The steps are actually quite simple. I’m going to give a brief about them. 

Please give me a minute here as I open the page for the course. The steps are actually quite simple, but they’re hard to embody. So simple in the sense that yeah, you can easily understand this is what I need to do but to go through the process where it really becomes a part of your life. That takes time and that’s the hard part and that’s where a lot of women give up and I don’t want you to give up. 

So in this particular course, the steps that I take you through first is to understand why it is very difficult for you to be feminine in your relationships. The second is to understand how to heal your wounded feminine energy. The third is to understand what is your feminine archetype, and then the fourth step is learning how to nurture your feminine energy. The fifth step is how to inspire polarity in your relationships. And this is a course that has helped a lot of women. 

I’d actually advise you to also look into this course, look into the steps that you feel called that you want to work on. And just enroll and go through the course and learn about it and be feminine. Because one of the things that I’ve discovered with myself as I’ve grown more into myself and as I have grown more and more into my womanhood and into my feminine essence, is the ease with which life happens when you stop fighting life when you stop trying to be like a man in a way, when you stop trying to feel like you need to solve for every single thing or you feel like you need to have your defenses up. Life becomes much more simpler and much more enjoyable. 

In subsequent episodes, we’re gonna go deeper into this topic because it’s such a wide topic, i i’s such a wide, broad topic and there are as many topics to talk about it as there are women I think in the world. And it is impossible to feel everything in one shott episode but today I just wanted to touch on this point and to sort of start to introduce why it is difficult for us women to be in our feminine and then we can build up on this in subsequent episodes. 

Thank you very much for joining me today. I hope you found this episode to be useful. It is always a pleasure to have you here and I will see you in the next one. Bye.